Friends,
I quit yesterday. I had one of those moments where things just hit you. Bam. Right in the face. Before you get too worried, I did not quit my job. As much as I would love to be a SAHM, God doesn't have that in the plans for me right now. So, what did I quit? Well, a lot of things.
This all started as a battle in my mind. As I checked my Nike app before a run yesterday, I became increasingly frustrated because it wouldn't work, and here is the kicker. I told myself not to run because it didn't count! Then, I froze right there in my running shoes. Say what? I wanted to slap myself in the face. How does this stupid Nike app influence me so much that I feel my miles don't count if they aren't counted by Nike? What made me place so much value in this thing that merely kept up with my miles? Why did I care how I compared to others that consistently run more miles than me?
So, the first thing I quit was Nike+ Running. (Not the shoes.) At that moment, and from now on, be it the gym or the great outdoors, I am just going to lace up my shoes and run for the joy of running. Feet. Pavement. Sweat. Heartbeat. Muscles working. These are the things that motivate me most. Let's get back to that kind of running.
During my run, I thought about how much life has changed over the years. My kids are growing so fast. People tell you this when your kids are little, but you don't understand how fast, how fleeting those years go by until your babies are almost as tall as you. Not until they are asking you questions like, "Why is the government shut down?" or, "Why didn't (unnamed family member) call me on my birthday?"
These kids can ask some tough questions. Do I answer them right? What are they learning from me? Am I doing all I am supposed to do in teaching them? Then, I started to pick myself apart. What about _____ who has her kids in a Christian school? Or _____ who teaches her own kids? Or _______ who makes "clean" meals for her kids to eat so they won't have a body full of chemicals? Or _____ who can work out at the crack of dawn, when I can barely get out of bed to get the kids ready for school and myself ready for work? I bet _______ never has to yell in the mornings. And on and on and on went the battle in my mind.
So, the next thing I am quitting is comparison. This won't be as easy as deleting an app off of my phone. This one is going to take time, and I will have setbacks, but I am determined here people. I am going to be the best mom I was meant to be for MY kids. That is why God blessed me with them, and that is my focus.
Here are a few other things I am (working on) quitting because of reflections on that run...
1. I quit worrying about people who don't like me. (I am a people pleaser, and don't like conflict.) Joyce Meyer wrote, "Stop worrying about people that don't like you, and start getting busy finding the ones that do." I love this. No more lost sleep about how to make peace. Not everyone is going to like me (including some family) and that is okay.
2. I quit being too busy. I miss reading a good book. I miss spending an afternoon crafting. I miss naps and lunch dates with friends. Every busy mom needs to carve a little time out to ensure sanity, right? Hopefully, still with selfish guilt I'm sure, I will put some time throughout the weeks for such things.
3. I quit thinking I am not good enough. I am awesome to the only One that matters in the battle for my soul. He thinks I am worth it. He thinks I am good enough to be a wife and mother. He is who I will stand before and answer to. I want to hear, "Well done, Mandy." That is not going to happen if I constantly try to convince myself that the One who thinks I am worth it is wrong, that He doesn't know the real me. He made the real me and knows all my imperfections. I know I am good enough to do the work he entrusted me with here on Earth. It is time I acted like it and stop beating myself up!
I spend most of my time being a wife and mom I shuffle one kid to dance her heart out and the other guy to run, hit, and tough it out with his best football friends. This is the heart of my life. In between, I work, run, surf through Pinterest, and keep up with everyone through Facebook. Most days are over way before I accomplish all I need to, and I am the best at beating myself up over it. I realize my "I quit" goals might be lofty and certainly won't be easy, but I am going to try.
To the person reading this...You are worth it too! What do you need to "quit" in your life that keeps you down? What keeps you from being who God made you to be? I am excited to begin reading a book for my own pleasure this week. I can't even remember the last book I read in this way. It is "7 : An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess" - 7 is the true story of how Jen Hatmaker took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence. I can't wait. I am hoping for great change within me, and I might even lead a growth group on it next semester. Interested?
Thank you for taking the time to read the ramblings of this busy mom. Prayers are appreciated. Praying that my words are a blessing to someone else too!
Ephesians 2:10
New International Version (NIV)
10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Much Love,
Raising Lanes:
Best Job I'll NEVER Quit!
