Tonight/This Morning/Whatever Time It Is…
I am overwhelmed. When did my baby grow
up? I am the mother of a middle schooler, which sounds CrAzY to me! There are
so many things that are different about him. He is not as "in to"
school as he used to be. Homework time is torture time, for Cole and for me.
The past two nights, we have been up late battling it out, to the point where
we BOTH cried sobbed. This is definitely uncharted territory. Yikes! I am
busier than ever with work ,where more and more gets added to my agenda. Not to
mention that my position probably won’t be funded next year. Yep, the ailing
economy impacts special intervention programs too. Between work, kids and Emma
Grace's dance classes, most days I feel accomplished if we get homework done and
lunches made for the next day.
My house is far from spotless and I am not
getting enough sleep. I am alone quite often because I am married to a fireman
who heads to the woods every chance he gets. I have no time to maintain
friendships and suffer from pretty intense anxiety.
Sometimes, I beat myself up comparing myself with friends
who seem to have it all together...at least according to their Facebook,
Instagram, or Blog page. I find myself thinking "If only I could be
like... then I would be a great... mom... wife...teacher... volunteer". I
hope I am not the only one who does this.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to
others, but it is so hard not to. I reflect on 2nd Corinthians
5:21 “God made him who had
no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness
of God.”
This verse helps me realize that in Jesus I am
already covered and seen as perfect…forever.
I mess up every.single.day. In my mess, I know I need
His covering. So, I don’t have to cover up my junk. I have arguments with my 11
year old, I have laundry piles bigger than the baskets hold, I get upset with
my hubby more than I should, and my kids fight waaaaaaaaay too much. There is little to zero time to clean, and I have basically given up on working out. That’s
just to name a few.
On a positive note, Emma Grace will be 7 years
old on September 13, and I am planning an awesome dance themed sleepover for
her that weekend. Cole is excited about being a part of Ignite, the middle school group at
church. Being a mom is the most amazing, painful, emotional, and beautiful thing I have ever done. I just hope I am ready for the road ahead…
I want to be real, and I want to be transparent.
Hope you all don’t mind me pouring my heart out just a little bit…maybe it will
help me sleep better.
There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us. ~Richard Sibbes
See...told ya!
yep. sounds just like my life in most ways. For me, I struggle with envy *daily* toward stay-at-home Moms who seem to have perfect lives, husbands, and skills for raising their children. I sit in my messy house (or walk circles trying to clean it to no avail) and feel guilty for having to fuss at my kids, for not being "together" enough to hand craft the most nutritious meals, for not doing enough/being enough/providing enough, for selecting an absentee husb who might not be the best role model, for not running marathons, etc. For me, comparison is an evil thing and it gets me focused on what I am not.
ReplyDeleteI often have to stop and focus on what I AM. Gratitude journaling DOES help me. I am glad the LORD is freeing me from some chains right now in this time of financial constraints, too. I no longer care about wearing the cutest boutique fashions At. All. I would MUCH rather spend that money on a trip to the beach with my kids, or doing something more important, that lasts or makes memories that last. Remember - I was envious of you this summer with all of your beach trips!! :) YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. Give yourself a break. hugs!
Thanks Kerri! I completely understand the hubs issue. I feel like every time I turn around, mine has something else that takes priority over me and family. Oh and the stay at home mom envy....I am so with you...I am definitely going to use your journaling tip. I think that will be a great way for me to gain a new perspective. Though these times are tough...we will be okay!
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